The Lie of "I'm Fine"

And everybody who's in a small group, you get this book. Anybody doesn't have a copy of this book and you want one? Anybody? Nah. Dennis, I'm so glad you're here today, brother.

I'll come meet you. All right. Anyway, let's get on to the message. Oh, wait, wait, small groups. Where was I?

Talking about small groups. Some of them kicked off last week. Our Wilson group had an amazing start. So let's keep it going. We got our stretch and reflector starting this Friday.

Instead of this past Friday, we got three groups starting today. After church, our young marriage group. Robert Kaitlyn, shout out, woo hoo. Our U40 group, yeah. It's the only way I'm gonna be in a U40 category is leading a group.

My wife and I are gonna be doing that group. And those are gonna be here at church today after lunch. So lunch is provided, childcare is provided. That's gonna be right here. Where you guys gonna be, cafe?

Young marriage, GC Cafe, one o'clock. U40 group, classroom B4, one o'clock. And senior adults group at Panera at one o'clock. Childcare's not provided for that group. Your kids should be old enough to be left unattended.

But if you have grandkids, if you brought children with you, you could leave them with the U40 kids, that's fine. Kids or kids, they'll have a good time. But it's not too late to join any of those groups. If you'd like to be a part, we're here. My wife and I are leading the U40 group.

Rob and Kaitlyn are leading the young marriage group. And then my supervisor, my father is gonna be leading the seniors groups to just see him after service. You'd like to be a part of that or just show up at Panera at one o'clock, amen. All right, well let's get back into the word this morning, Galatians chapter six verse two, and James 5 16. Those are gonna be our main scriptures today.

Today I'm gonna be talking about the lie of I'm fine. And next week we're gonna talk about no longer strangers. So next week bring somebody you'd never expect to be lonely. You figure it out, amen, we're gonna talk about it today. But Galatians 6 2 says bear one another's burdens.

Somebody say bear? One another's burdens. And so fulfill the law of Christ. We're not under the Old Testament ball, but we're under the law of Christ, amen. And Jesus said bear one another's burdens.

James 5 16 says confess your trespasses. Oh, we're getting a little more deeper there, aren't we? Somebody say confess your trespasses. Whoo, old Pastor James is getting tough right there, isn't he? He says confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

The effective fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Let's pray. Father, some of us are gonna sit in this room today and smile and say we're fine and not mean any of it. So Lord, before I get into the word today, God, Lord, meet us where we are behind the mask. Lord, meet us today, the real us, the us that's going through struggles, the us that is hurting, the us that needs somebody to help us walk through this season.

God, meet us where we are in Jesus' name, amen. Let me ask you something. How many of you know the difference between a grid and a camera roll? Okay, one of you. That's more of an Instagram question, but I'll explain it to you.

The grid is the picture you want everybody to see. So if you take all the camera, all the photos in your phone, or all the pictures in your camera roll that you got developed, okay, the grid is the one or two pictures that look so good that you wanna put it in a frame and let everybody see it. It's the profile picture, the public image, the thing that you want everybody to see. The good lighting, the flattering angle, the funny caption, the best four seconds of your whole month. That's the grid, but the camera roll, that's the real story.

That's 600 photos deep, the blurry ones, the unflattering ones, the screenshot of an argument, the picture of a parking spot so you don't forget where your car was. Anybody other than me ever done that? The grid is flashy, it's curated, the camera roll is the truth. And here's what I wanna show you this morning because I think it's one of the most quietly exhausting things about being a human being right now. Most of us have learned to live our whole lives off the grid version of ourselves.

We've gotten really good at showing people the filtered best four seconds of the month and really afraid of letting anybody go through our whole camera roll. And nowhere do we do it more than at church. So here's the question underneath my whole message today. What would it take for you to let one person you trust see a real photo today? Not the grid, not the picture frame, not the portrait, but a real photo from the camera roll that tells a real story of how your life is right now.

Because that's the door out of hiding and the door into family. So I'm gonna build that case carefully today. Number one, you've got a grid self and a camera roll self and they're not the same person. Most of us are not liars, we're just editors. Somebody at the door says, hey, how are you?

And you say good, busy, but good. And you're not really lying, you're doing to your soul what you do to your photos, you're presenting the cropped, the filtered, the photoshopped, the perfected version because the full version feels like too much to give a person in a hallway. And look, in small doses, that's just social grace, right? Not everybody at every door has earned the camera roll, let's be honest about that, right? Because you don't go up to the Walmart greeter who says, hey, how are you?

And you say, listen, brother, how much time you got? You don't sit there and say, well, my back's hurting, my knees have been, I mean, you do that in the Walmart line. You don't do it to the Walmart greeter, my kids are acting up, we're behind on the bills. You don't pour out your heart to a Walmart greeter, you don't dump everything on some random stranger, that's not what I'm advocating for. But here's the danger of what we do.

The mask that you put on for strangers, if you're not careful, becomes the mask that you start wearing for everybody. Including the people who would actually love the real version of you. Including God and the people that God has put in your life to love the real version of you. You get so good at saying, I'm fine, that you forget what fine actually means. You can stand in a room full of people who would help carry you if they knew, but instead you keep the camera roll locked and you call that strength.

And the Bible has a word for that edited version of yourself and it's not flattering, it's called hiding. It's been the human reflex ever since the Garden of Eden where the first two human beings, the first two ashamed people, what do they do? They sew together fig leaves and they hid behind a bush. And the thing is, in our modern culture, we've just gotten more sophisticated and our fig leaves have filters now. And I wanna show you why.

I wanna show you how we reach for those fig leaves in everyday life because understanding is half the cure. Underneath every mask is fear and it's almost always the same one. If they knew the real me, they wouldn't love me. That fear feels like wisdom. It feels like self protection where you get to keep your secrets and keep your distance and you call it safety, but God calls it hiding.

You've got a grid self and a camera self and they're not the same person. Number two, the mask is exhausting because it makes real love impossible. The mask is exhausting because it makes real love impossible. Here's the danger, when you keep the mask on all the time, you, the real you, the one underneath that mask is never really loved by anybody. When you only project the perfect, polished, I'm fine version of yourself is making sure that the love you get is always aimed at a person that doesn't exist.

So when the infection comes, you can't quite feel it because deep down you know that they're loving the picture in a frame, they're not loving the true version of you. The mask doesn't protect you from rejection, it just guarantees a deeper, lonelier version of rejection. Picture a trophy in a display case. Think about it, everybody walks by it, everybody looks, everybody admires it, but nobody touches it, nobody holds it. And that's what the mask does, it keeps you visible and untouchable at the same time.

People can see you, people can compliment you, people can be impressed by you, but the case guarantees nobody ever gets close to you to hold you when you're falling apart. It's not that nobody's around, it's that nobody's allowed in. Some of the loneliest people you know have mastered the art of looking like they're fine. But hear me, you are not a trophy in a case, you're a member of God's family. Which brings us to God's answer, number three, confession is God's cure for hiding.

So let's look at our two main scriptures today. James 5.16 says, confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed for the effective fervent prayer of the righteous man of Valith. I gotta go King James, that's what I was raised on, of Valith much. Somebody say, confess your trespasses. Some of y'all are thinking, why did I come to church today?

But we are not gonna have confession time before you leave today, okay, okay, don't get nervous. And Galatians 6.2 says, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Come on, say bear one another's burdens. Okay, now this is a two way deal. Somebody has to be willing to carry and somebody has to be willing to hand over the burden.

And you can't bear a burden you don't know exists. Some of us are surrounded by people willing to help us, but we keep handing them I'm fine and holding on and hiding the burden. Confession is God's cure for hiding. And when the burden is sin, James gets even more specific. You see, it's confess your trespasses one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed.

Notice he doesn't say just confess your sins to God. He says, confess your sins to one another. This goes against every instinct we have. Our instinct says, I'll deal with God privately, just me and him and I'll keep people out of it. But James says that there's a healing that comes when you stop hiding from people too.

Because the opposite of hiding is not perfection, is confession. Secrecy is the greenhouse where shame grows. Honesty is where it finally starts to die. So when God says confess to each other, he's not adding a humiliation to your faith. I want you to know that.

He's giving you a way out. And notice James doesn't stop at confession. He ties it straight to prayer. He says, pray for each other. And then he tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much.

And do you see what he's promising? When you finally give your true self, your struggles, your issues. When you bring that to light, you don't just get the relief of being known and unburdened by that. You get an intercessor. Somebody starts carrying your name before God with you.

You cannot be prayed through something that you won't admit that you're in. Number four, confession is a family privilege. Mark 3.31, then talking about Jesus. Jesus was preaching in a crowded room. It says his brothers and his mother came and standing outside, they sent to him, calling him.

And a multitude was sitting around him and they said to him, look, your mother and your brothers are outside seeking you. But then Jesus said something shocking. He answered them saying, who is my mother or brothers? And he looked around in a circle at those who said about him and said, here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.

Jesus said something that blows my mind. He's preaching here in a packed house and word comes that his family is outside asking for him. And he looks around at a bunch of ordinary people in that room and he said, uh-uh, this is my family. Don't miss how radical that is. He takes the word family and he throws the door open wide because faith in Jesus doesn't merely get your name written in heaven, it gets you a family on earth.

Y'all with me today? I know it's Randy but don't fall asleep on me yet. Faith in Jesus doesn't just get your name written in heaven, it gets you a family down here on earth. You don't have to wait until you see Jesus face to face to have help. God has given you a family and a help right here, right now.

The gospel rearranged your family tree. God didn't save you just to give you a destination he brought you to a family table. And that changes everything about confession. There's a world of difference between standing before a judge and sitting at a family table. In front of a judge, you try to hide your record.

Come on. Because everything you say can be used against you. But at a family table, you can be honest. Sometimes I sit at a family table, my thinking, dear God, I wish you weren't so honest. You can sit at a family table and open your whole heart and tell the whole story and share everything.

Why? Because you're not sitting before a judge, you're sitting at a family table where you're already accepted and you already belong. James tells us to confess to one another because Jesus told us who the one another is. They're not a jury deciding if you qualify, they're a family who already claimed you. And that's what makes confession a privilege and not a burden.

Family doesn't just forgive each other, family bears one another's burdens. So next time I'm fine, rises up automatically in your head. Remember where you are. You're not in a courtroom defending yourself. You are by the blood of Jesus at a family table.

Confession is a family privilege. And I'm not just talking about sin. And yes, if you're struggling with sin, you need to tell somebody you could trust because sin thrives in darkness and it dies in the light. But it's also confessing what you're really struggling with and how you're really doing. I told Amber, I said, I really don't let people ride in a car with me anymore.

Because about five or six years ago, I said every time, you know, taxi cab confessions, every time somebody goes for a ride with me, they just start confessing every sin in their life. I mean, it's like, oh dear Jesus, I just wanna go to McDonald's. And I take it as a high honor that people trust me enough to share their deepest, darkest secrets and struggles. Okay. But as a pastor, here's the thing.

I'm not a good counselor. Okay, if you want counseling, don't come to me. I'm a good listener. I will sit there and listen and listen all day and I'll pray for you. But I'm not a therapist and I'm not a counselor.

All I could do is just tell you just straight what the scriptures say. And I've had people over the years come and they've confessed their deepest, darkest secrets and I've told nobody but Jesus. But then five months later, because I'm preaching on that thing, had nothing to do with them, they get mad, leave the church. So if you're gonna confess your sins to somebody, don't come to me. Come to somebody else.

And by the way, I never, never, that is one of my rules as a pastor. I never, ever preach at anybody. I never aim the word of God at any of you. I just preach what God says, preach. In fact, I have a sermon schedule.

Now some of y'all is gonna, you gonna get mad, it's gonna disturb you, it's gonna get on your religion, hurt your religious feelings today. But I have a sermon schedule. I got a 20 year calendar that I mostly stick to because I wanna make sure that when I bring the word of God to you, that you have a balanced teaching and that you have a well rounded theology. In other words, I don't wanna get up here and ramble and preach the same three subjects over and over and over again till Jesus comes back. I wanna make sure that you have a good discipleship foundation and a good understanding of the word of God.

So with the exception of the wild cards that y'all throw at me during Hot Topics, I'm generally sticking to my preaching calendar. But even still, people get so mad oh I know he was preaching right at me. Listen, if I'm preaching right at you and you feel pricked in your heart, don't blame me, blame the Holy Ghost. That's God touching you, amen. Where was I?

Oh yeah, don't ride in the car with me and tell me every crime you've ever committed and every wrong thing you've ever done. I'm not a Catholic priest, you have no legal protection. If you kill somebody and you tell me, I'm calling the cops. Just wanna give you a warning. Okay, tell Sister Susie, don't tell me, all right.

But this goes beyond confessing your sins. And by the way, the Bible defines sin as falling short of the glory of God. So if you find yourself in a season of life when you don't have the strength and you don't have the wisdom and you don't have what it takes to get through it, you know what that is, falling short of the glory of God. Confess that to a brother or sister in Christ. Galatians 6, too, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.

It's taking the thing that's been hiding in the dark of your camera roll, those burdens, those struggles, those fears, those things that you haven't said out loud to anybody. The real situation, this is where I actually am. And you tell somebody you trust. Confession is God's cure for hiding and confession is a family privilege. God put you in the family so we could bear one another's burdens.

Number five, now I am preaching at somebody now, I'm preaching at myself. Needing people is maturity, not weakness. Bear one another's burdens. Is that what the Bible says? It's in my Bible, is it your Bible?

Bear one another's burdens. You can't bear a burden that you don't know about. The Bible assumes that there will be moments when you and I are carrying burdens too heavy for us to handle alone. It assumes that there is somebody else in my wonderful family of God who can help me carry it. Bearing one another's burdens means you gotta be honest enough to say I'm struggling and I need some help.

Our culture calls, easy for me to say, our culture calls needing people weakness. We hand out I don't need anybody, like it's a badge of honor. But that's not the picture the Bible paints. Look at your hand, real quick, look at your hand. We don't call the thumb weak because it needs the other four fingers, do we?

Come on. If I just had a thumb, I don't even think I could pick my nose. There ain't much I could do with just a thumb. But ask for a ride and people don't do that anymore. We don't call the thumb weak because it needs the other four fingers to function.

Listen, a body part that detaches itself doesn't become stronger. It becomes a dead thing on the floor. Are y'all getting this? Okay, I'm not preaching to you, I'm preaching to me today. In the kingdom of God, independence is not maturity, it's dangerous.

A disconnected body part does not become independent, it dies. Most of the time, we scroll our phones with what, the thumb? Listen, if I cut my thumb off, it has zero chance of going out there and becoming a social media influencer. Why? Because a disconnected part doesn't become independent, it dies.

So don't sever yourself from the body of Christ. The mature Christian isn't the one who's whittled their life down until they don't need anybody else. The mature Christian is the one who has learned to give help freely and to receive help without shame. That's my struggle. I love independence.

I love standing on my own two feet. Listen, I'm the one that helps other people. I'm not the one that asks you for help. I'm the one that helps you. I'm the one that serves.

Growing up in church, I'm the one who volunteers. I'm the one who shows up early, stays late. I'm gonna give, I'm gonna help. I'm here to serve, I'm here to help you. I'm here to pour out my life into somebody else.

And God has been chipping away at my pride. He's saying, you've been pouring out and pouring out and pouring out and you're so empty because you won't let anybody in to bear that burden with you. You're always asking other people, how can I help bear your burden but you don't let anybody bear it. You don't let anybody help you and how can you help them if you don't ever ask anybody for help? Mature Christians give help and they receive help.

I know some of y'all thought I was perfect. I don't mean to disappoint you but I struggle in this area. I struggle. That's an area in my life that I've gotta grow up in Jesus because I like to give but I don't like to receive. I like to give help, I don't like to ask for help.

And God's working on me. He said, it's not healthy. Here's what I'm learning in this season. The more I lean on other people and the more I pour into other people, the less alone I become. Because if all you're doing is serving and giving and you're never taking back, that's a lonely life.

I thank God that we have a friendly church. That's the number one thing that people say when they come to Generation Church. It is such a loving, such a friendly church. But God has created us to be so much more than friendly. He's called us to be family.

I'm almost done. We're gonna beat the Baptists, the Bojangles of the day, hallelujah. But this is what family looks like. Spending time together. Amen.

Right? Spending time together. We can't just say, hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing for five minutes on Sunday and then the next week, hey, how you doing?

Hey, how you doing? And do the church thing. Hey, brother. Hey, sister, you know what that means? Hey, I don't know your name.

Come on. Y'all been hey, brothering and hey, sistering people for 20 years because you have no idea. Well, hey, that's friendly. But that show ain't family. It's spending time together.

And I don't mean go stalking people. I mean mutually agreed upon time together. Right? Hey, let's go get some lunch. Hey, let's just hang out in the cafe.

You know what? I'll see you in the cafe. Coffee's on me today. It don't cost you nothing. Spend time together.

That's why we're doing the small group campaign. I'm giving you a seat at the table. Pick a table, any table. Listen, you don't have to be under 40 to have lunch with me. Just look under 40.

Amen. Just put on some skinny jeans and a tattoo or something. I don't know. But just come hang out and get, just look under 40. Just pretend.

Listen, I'll close my eyes. You tell me you're 29. I don't care. Come on, eat lunch with us. It doesn't matter.

Go hang out with the seniors at Panera. Hang out with the young marriage. If you're married and you think you're young, hang out with the young marrieds. Come Wednesday night at seven, every Wednesday, we just want to give you a seat at the table. Because to be family, you've got to spend time together.

You've got to get to know people. I remember growing up in church every Sunday. We were going out to eat somewhere. We were going to Hardee's. We were going to McDonald's.

We were going somewhere to have lunch. Why? The church just started at the church house. And a lot of times it continued all day. Why?

Because we're the family of God. And we've got to spend time together. It's spending time together. It's also being the real you. Now, listen.

I'm going to say one thing before we get ready to close. I'm going to say one thing. And this is going, it might sting a little bit. Okay, but you're in the doctor's office today. And like they like to say in the doctor's office, when they give you a shot, you're going to feel a little pinch.

I'm going to give you a little shot of truth. Okay. How can I love you? And how can I help you? If I don't really know you.

How can I love you? And how can I help you? If I've never met the real you. Oh, I know the, hey, how you doing? I know that I'm fine you.

I see that I'm fine you every Sunday. But I want to know the real you. I want to know how you're really, I don't want to see the picture in the frame. I want to see the whole camera roll. I want to know how you're really doing.

I want to know what you're really going through. How is life actually right now? If you are a five, that's great. If you're a four, praise the Lord. I'm a four and a half.

I just made up my own number. If you are three, okay. If you're one, you're two, let's talk about it. You've got a seat at the table. Because God doesn't want any of us to go through life alone.

He wants the fives to encourage the ones and the ones to lean on the fives and the twos and the fours and the threes. God has put us together to be family. Amen? Now, let's talk boundaries real quick. Because being real doesn't mean telling everybody everything, okay, because some of y'all are tensing up.

Some of y'all got some church hurt because you shared something to somebody and then it became a prayer request. Some of y'all know what the prayer request is, it's gossip. I'm just telling you so you can pray. And you told 145 people and not one prayer was said to Almighty God. Let's talk about boundaries.

It's not a public spectacle. James says, confess to one another, to a person, not a platform, you don't owe the camera roll to the crowd. And it's not forced. Nobody has a right to pry your story out of you, okay? Y'all hear me say it?

Trust is built in inches, not demanded in miles. So you share what you want to, how you want to when you're ready to do it. But here's the big one. It's not a one-time event that you survive and then run away from. Being honest with each other, bearing one another's burdens, confessing our faults to one another.

It's not a one-time thing. It's a family life that you grow into one true story at a time. Listen, some of y'all got 500 friends on social media, not one real friend in real life. You don't need 50 friends. You just need a few who will be there when you tell them the true story.

Listen, let me tell you, fear always over predicts the cost of things. Anybody know that? Fear is an overestimator. But here's what I see over and over and over again is that when people open up and talk about what they're struggling with and what they're going through, more often than not, just about every time it's like a holy relief comes in the room. That one person, that burden of what they've been carrying and what they've been covering up and hiding, what they've been lying and saying, I'm fine.

When they open up, it's amazing to see that weight come lifting off of them. And then to see that friend in Christ, the joy they have to be able to walk through this with them. God never meant for you to carry those burdens by yourself. Listen, honesty doesn't push the right people away. It invites them in to help you and to walk with you.

This is the church where loneliness dies. So here's the step of faith that we're taking this week. I'm not asking you to publish your whole camera roll to everybody. I'm not asking you to stand up and tell everybody the worst things of your life. I'm not asking you to sit down at lunch today and confess your sins to everybody.

This is the one thing I'm asking of you. Tell one person that you trust one honest thing this week. Something more true than I'm fine. It might be, I've been lonelier than I want to admit. It might be, this has been a heavy season for me.

Maybe your heart's pounding just thinking about it. Listen, your heart pounding is not a sign that you should back down. That's God calling you to take that step of faith. And sometimes when you open up to somebody and you tell them what you're going through, you might be amazed because oftentimes people say, you know what? I'm going through something too.

Let's walk through this season together. Let's encourage each other. Let's pray for each other. See, you're not alone in your battle. That's the lie of the devil.

You are not in this by yourself. You are not fine and you're not alone either. Bear one another's burdens. Jesus calls you family, not a defendant. And the gospel says you don't have to wear the mask in here.

Will you stand as we pray this morning? Thank you, Jesus. Lord, I just want to thank you that you've adopted us into your family. God, that we don't have to walk through life by ourselves. God, you don't want any one of us to be alone.

God, I thank you, Lord. You've given every one of us a seat at your table. God, give us the wisdom. Give us the faith. Give us the boldness.

God, to take our seat among your family. God, that we would not isolate ourselves out of fear. We would not isolate ourselves out of pride. God, we would just follow your leading and follow your voice in faith and say I'm gonna connect myself to my family. And God, I pray that we would find strength.

We would find safety. We would find shelter in your family, God. For you've called us, Lord, to bear one another's burdens. You've called us, God, to care for one another, to love one another, to pray for one another, to encourage one another, to rejoice with those who rejoice and to weep with those who weep. God, I pray, Lord, you would help us, God, to take those steps of faith.

God, that we would not sever ourselves or separate ourselves from the body, but Lord, we would stay connected. Lord, even especially in these last days, God, that we would connect ourselves intentionally to your people, knowing, God, there is strength in your family, and God, there is help among your people. Thank you, Jesus. Maybe you're not in the family of God. I got good news for you today.

There's room in his family. There is room in the family of God for you. Nobody is too far gone. Nobody is too far gone for Jesus. Praise God.

Acts 16, 31 says, believe on the Lord Jesus and you'll be saved. Saved from what? Saved from sin. Saved from the world. Saved from yourself.

I don't know about you. I tried life on my own. It didn't work. I needed Jesus for that. Believe on the Lord Jesus in him and you will be saved.

You don't have to have it all together. You just come to God just the way you are. You put your life in his hands. You let him bring you into his family and he will radically change you. Praise God.

I wanna lead you in a simple prayer this morning. Will you pray this with me? Jesus, I surrender. I surrender to you. I give you my life.

I believe you died for my sins. I believe God raised you from the dead. And Jesus, I believe in you. Forgive me of my sins. Wash me in your blood.

Make me clean. Make me brand new. Jesus adopts me into your family. And with your help, I'll live for you. I'm joining your family today and I thank you for your mercy.

I thank you for your love. In Jesus name, amen. And amen.

Automatically transcribed. Please forgive any errors.